


Perspectives

by madeofstarlights



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Domestic Fluff, Eleven (Stranger Things)-Centric, Family Feels, Fluff, Mileven, Multi, basically just eleven learning about stuffs okay
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-20
Updated: 2017-11-24
Packaged: 2019-02-04 17:15:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,057
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12775689
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/madeofstarlights/pseuds/madeofstarlights
Summary: Everything and anything in Eleven's point of view, on how she views the world.





	1. Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first work in 3 years okay so don't be so hard on me! I tried lol

Eleven woke up with a jolt.

She immediately winces. Sharp pain shooting up to her temples. Her head’s still pounding, her body’s still aching, and her mind’s still hazy.

She looks up. She’s… Back. She’s back. She’s back?

Her memory’s still blurry, but she remembers closing the gate and collapsing in Hopper’s arm immediately after. She remembers him carrying her limp body, her head rolled backwards and her arms dangling on her side, like a rag doll. She remembers sitting — no, more like slumping — into the passenger seat of Hopper’s car, having no energy left to even sit up straight, or talk. She could barely keep her eyes open, but she remembers Hopper wiping off the blood caked on her upper lips. She remembers Hopper wiping the tears from her cheek. She remembers Hopper tending her wounds, the scars and the gashes and the bruises, and completely ignored his own wounds. She remembers Hopper crying. She didn’t even know he could cry like that.

“ _You did good_ ,” she remembers him sobbing, kneeling beside her while stroking her gelled hair. “ _You… You did so good_.”

She must’ve fallen asleep not long after that, because she couldn’t remember where Hopper went or what happened afterwards. The last thing she remembered was laying on the couch with Hopper sitting on the floor beside her, with Mike bursting through the door with the rest of the party, shouting “ _El! El!_ ” and pleading to Hopper, “ _Please just… Let me see her. I need to see her_.” In which Hopper responds by kissing her forehead and stepping aside.

“ _Don’t worry kid_ ,” Hopper whispered. “ _She’s home_.”

Home.

Eleven often wondered what the word meant. She saw a picture of a house, back in the lab she was raised in, and she asked a nurse what it was and the nurse answered “ _That’s a house. Home_.” but she wasn’t quite sure that the nurse is right. She believed her anyway, because that was what has been taught to her.

She thought home was a place you’re most familiar with, a place you’d never get lost in. Home was a shelter, a haven, sanctuary, a refuge to shelter her from the raging storm outside, where she’d be safe and sound without having to worry about the threats waiting for her or the bounty they’d put on her head or the search party planned to find her. Home was a place built of bricks and stones. A place of guaranteed meals and made beds and warm shower. A place of doors and windows.

A year ago, she learns that all those things weren’t exactly home, and the nurse is, indeed, wrong. Well, half wrong.

When she first escaped from the lab, she thought she’d lost her one true home, but then why does she feels so relieved? Why does she feels so… Free?

She remembers the first man who had shown her kindness. His name was Benny. He was big, and muscular, and scary, but she knows that he has a good heart. A kind personality, despite his appearance. He smells like whiskey and smoke and fries and patties. She liked him, but the bad men shot him dead, and for that she hates them even more, and she swore to avenge Benny’s death, because she had just lost the first place she felt truly safe. She ran away again. Into the darkness, into the woods, into the uncertainty of what might lies ahead. She didn’t exactly have a plan back them, all she knew was to run and run and run and never ever ever look back, and suddenly there’s a light shining so bright on her face, making her eyes squints and she knew that light wasn’t the sun because it was cold and raining and dark, but then… What is it? She stopped running because she was so startled and when she was about to run again, her breath stopped because it wasn’t the bad men who find her this time. It was three boys, in a raincoat, holding a flashlight, in the middle of the woods. She didn’t know what to feel, but she knew, she just knew, despite everything the lab taught her on strangers, she knew that they’re safe.

She remembers Mike — Mike, short for Michael — brought her home, brought her to his home, and he made her forts to keep her hidden. She remembers forbidding him to call the cops or tell his mom, she remembers not wanting to lose him the way she lost Benny. She remembers his eyes, looking into hers, as if trying to find an answer, any answer of who she might be, trying to comprehend what he has found in the dead of night, trying to answer his own questions because she, back then, of course wouldn’t tell him much of anything. She remembers his altruistic acts, his compassion, his loyalty for his friends, how he wouldn’t give up on her or on his missing friend Will or on his friends Dustin and Lucas, how he was so patient with her, so gentle, so considerate, how he would explain any words she did not understand so well.

She remembers Joyce, and how accepting she was towards her despite the fact that she knows nothing about her. How she held her hands, whispering words of encouragement while she was in the Upside Down, telling her repeatedly that everything will be okay and that she will be there for her. She was genuine, she was real.

And then —

And then she remembers being stripped away from Mike. And Dustin. And Lucas. And Joyce. Destroying that… monster, made her trapped in the Upside Down for quite some time. She did find a way out, and she did find a way to Mike’s house… Only to see it swarmed with bad man and other people from the lab and she knew, she knew, even though it kills her, she knew that she couldn’t stay, not anymore, because they know that Mike is involved and showing up, letting Mike know that she’s still alive means she’ll put him in danger, and she couldn’t do that to him, no. She couldn’t let what happened to Benny happens to Mike. She wouldn’t let it.

And so she ran again. She ran, and ran, and not only did she ran but she also hides. Holding on tight to what little possession she had, which is Nancy’s dress, the denim jacket, her shoes that holes in it now, the socks and the coat and hat she stole from a random man in the wood, she tries to survive on the wild, on her own. Killing squirrels for breakfast and lunch. Not having dinner because she couldn’t bear to kill more of those furry creatures. Shivering every night, thinking that she might die, thinking that maybe, maybe it’d be just easier to die, thinking of ending her own life, when one night, she found a wooden box, filled with… Eggos.

And then she found him. Or more precisely, he found her. Chief Jim Hopper.

And so he took her in. Why he would do that, she never understands, but she’s grateful for it. She didn’t have to suffer anymore. She didn’t have to shiver anymore. She didn’t have to sleep in a mossy log anymore, because she has a real bed now, and a real clothes and a real person that she’d see everyday without fear, and instead of squirrels, she’s eating Eggos now, even though Hopper sometimes forced her to eat real foods as if Eggos aren’t good enough for him.

Eleven blinks back to reality. She look around the cabin. She sees Hopper asleep on another couch, she sees her friends — Mike, Dustin, Lucas — sleeping on the wooden floor. That Max girl was also there, but she didn’t mind as much anymore. Another boy with big fluffy hair and beaten up face was also there, although she didn’t know what he, or the rest of the party, were really doing there.

She smiled slowly.

Only now that she realised that home, to her, is not what she thought it was. Home wasn’t always familiar. She remembers how foreign Mike’s touch once was to her, and how Lucas used to look at her with strange gaze, and how she didn’t understand what Dustin’s trying to say sometimes. Home, certainly, isn’t a place of stones and bricks and doors and windows.

Home is not the place where everyone dehumanise her, reducing her identity into a mere number forcefully tattooed on her wrist. Home is not a place where she’s expected to be silent and obedient, and disciplined. Home is not a place where she was only a test subject, an experiment, a war machine, a tracking a device. Home is not the place where she has to smile and said that everything is fine just so they won’t hear the truth rattling behind her teeth. Home is not the place where she’d always have to be perfect, always have to accomplish something in order to be given a meal. Home is not the place where even the tiniest mistakes are unforgivable.

To her, home is the way she fight in her friend’s side, using her power not to hurt people, but to protect those she loves. Home is the way they guide her in this world, making everything seems less scary, making everything seems okay somehow. Home is unbreakable promises.

Home is Mike’s soothing voice. Home is Dustin’s weird sense of humour. Home is Lucas’s strategies. Home is Joyce’s hand. Home is Hopper’s protectiveness towards her.

Home, to her, is their heartbeats. Home is being able to be Eleven, to be El, to be Jane. Home is the feeling of being loved, the feeling of love, the feeling of worried and anxiety because she doesn’t want to lose them, ever.

“El?” She hears Mike’s voice calling out her name. She looks over, and see his tousled hair and the bag under his eyes. “Oh my god,” he whispered, moving towards her, hugging her tight, so tight that she couldn’t breathe.

“Mike,” she said, her voice hoarse but it doesn’t matter. “I’m — I’m okay,”

Mike looks her in the eye, smiling.

“Mike, I’m home.”


	2. Papa

Eleven still remembers the day Hopper barge in with a huge smile plastered on his face, holding a piece of paper in his hand. She remembers it like it was only yesterday. Because it was only yesterday.

She remembers him beaming with pride. “ _El_ ,” he said, couldn’t contain the happiness inside him that it pours out into the room, filling the cabin with positive emotions. She didn’t even knew Hopper could do something like that. “ _Look_.”

Obviously, she didn’t understand what is it he was so proud of. Hopper must’ve seen the confused look on her face and explained. “I _ts your birth certificate, kid_.”

“ _Birth certificate_?” Eleven asked, more confused than ever. Her birth certificate? What did she even do? What does that even means?

“ _It means you’re officially born. It means you exist now._ ” Hopper said, still smiling ear to ear.

“ _I wasn’t before?_ ” Eleven asked, still confused.

“ _You were… But now you’re not a secret anymore. You can go out in public without me having a heart attack — well, of course you’ll have to learn not to use your power while outside, but that’s another conversation, alright? The point is, kid, you’re finally free._ ” Hopper explained. Eleven’s eyes widen in surprise and excitement. She’s free? She’s actually finally free, she doesn’t have to hide in the cabin anymore? She doesn’t have to hide from anything anymore? It feels too good to be true.

Eleven glanced at the paper, and read what it says. Jane Hopper. She learned that Jane is the name her mother gave her when she was born. But Hopper… That was Jim’s name, wasn’t it?

“ _Hopper?”_ she asked, brows knitted in confusion, eyes still studying the paper, searching for more information. “ _Yeah?_ ” Hopper answered. “ _Jane… Hopper?_ ”

Hopper looked at her for quite some time before finally answering. “ _Yes. Uh… Because you’ve been living with me for the past year and… Shit-this-isn’t-going-as-smooth-as-I-thought-it’d-be._ ” Hopper muttered underneath his breath. “ _So we’re… Family now. Alright? Not just — not just family in a matter of sense, but we’re also legally registered as a family now. You’re my… My daughter. You’re my daughter._ ” Hopper rambles looking down at the floor before meeting Eleven’s eyes. “ _Is that alright?_ ”

Of course that’s alright. To Eleven, Hopper has already basically his father long before he brought that birth certificate anyway. She still couldn’t wrap her head around the idea — because the term father still reminds her of her psychotic papa.

But of course, she knew that Hopper’s not Papa. And will never be like Papa. Right?

Right. Because Hopper’s not nice. And Hopper is harsh. And Hopper smells like dirt and cigarettes and leaves and musk. And Hopper yells at her a lot. And Hopper forces her to eat stuffs she didn’t like, and he break his promises, and he snores loudly and he cuss and he’s rude and he’s impolite and he’s ill-mannered and he’s insolent and he’s bold.

Papa — Martin Brenner — is not harsh. He smells simultaneously sterile, medicinal, he smells like blood and foreign fluids and ichor. Papa never yells at her. He speaks to her in a calm, quiet tone, as if he’s afraid any louder would hurt her. He never break his promises. She remembers he used to say that she’d go to that room in the evening, or that she’d go to that other room tomorrow morning, or that they’d test something on her tomorrow night. Papa didn’t sleep, Papa didn’t cuss, he’s well mannered and he’s polished and he’s urbane and he’s superlative.

She remembers the way Hopper gets mad at her for refusing to eat the gooey black liquid he forced her to eat. It was gross. She felt gross after eating it. But the next day, the headache she had has already gone. She remembers telling it all to Hopper, how she’s fine now and she won’t need the gooey black liquid anymore and please don’t give her more of that disgusting liquid because she doesn’t even need them and she remembers how Hopper laughed and said that the gooey black liquid — called medicine — does that to her. The disappearance of her headache is the medicine’s doing, and she should thank him for it, and while she begrudgingly mumbles thank you, she silently thank Hopper for ever forcing that medicine down her throat because her head feels so much lighter and her nose feels less runny.

She remembers the way Brenner gave her — bribed her — with a chocolate chip cookie if she let the nurse gave her a less gooey version of that medicine. She liked chocolate chip cookies, so she let them give her that medicine, and the couldn’t really remember what happened after because she passed out, she didn’t even remember if they actually gave her a cookie. What she does remember is that she woke up feeling tired and sore and her nose bleeds and why would her nose bleeds when she’s not even using her power and she discovers that they were trying to use her power against her will. Although their attempt at controlling her while she’s unconscious was unsuccessful, she decided to never ever trust them ever again whenever they said they had a treat for her.

So, no. Hopper’s nothing like Papa.

Hopper’s nothing like Papa.

Because everything about Hopper is warm. The way he laughs whenever she did something funny — even though she sometimes didn’t understand what she did that made him laughs like that. The way he reads her stories from old classics. The way he’d dance to musics he enjoys around the cabin while sweeping the floor and dusting the window and lighting up the fireplace. The way he gave her his extra blankets when it gets too cold at winter because he has ‘enough fat in his body to keep him warm’ anyway. The way he bakes terribly, the way he hum and sing along to mindlessly even though he doesn’t always know the words to the song. Hopper’s hug is warm. Its warmer than the fireplace and the extra blankets combined. Unlike Brenner’s. Brenner hugs her as if he’s disgusted by her. His hugs are cold and uncomfortable and bony. In all her years living with him, never have Eleven sees Brenner has even the slightest bit of emotions that Hopper displayed.

Because Papa sees her as Eleven — his eleventh experiment, his eleventh property, his eleventh lab rat, his eleventh test, his eleventh asset. The power she possess is a weapon. A gift, as well as a curse. Hopper sees her as El, not for Eleven but El as in the first nickname Mike had given her. He sees her as Jane, the girl whose power is a part of who she is.

Hopper’s nothing like Papa.

Hopper’s nothing like Papa.

Because Hopper was there. He was there when she closed the gate. Hopper gave her support, Hopper protects her from those demodogs. Papa… Was also there. He was there when she was in the Void to… find whatever it is he wants her to find. Papa provided her support so she wouldn’t drown.

But Hopper was there with her. Hopper fights beside her. He risked his life as much as she risked hers. Hopper was there, to keep her safe, and so she wouldn’t be alone because as brave and tough as she is, Hopper knew and understand that she’s only a child after all, and it wasn’t only her battle anymore, it was also his. Papa was there, but she went alone. Papa was nowhere to be found when she felt alone and scared. Papa was out of sight.

She remembers how she shouted at Hopper once, “ _You are just like Papa!_ ”

She thought, she couldn’t be more wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, yes, if anyone notices, which I highly doubt, I rewrite this chapter. Because I thought the one I wrote before wasn't good enough. So I hope you like it!!


	3. Promises

Eleven never understood why people make promises.

She remembers what Mike said once; _it means something you can’t break. Ever._

So then… Why does people keep breaking them? Does the word promise means nothing anymore?

She remembers all those nights alone in the cabin, waiting for the clock turns 8:15. When it finally does, she’d come out of her room and waited, again, for the knock. She remembers waiting until its 9:00. Or until its 10:00. Or until its 12:00. Hopper was almost always late. She was almost always get mad. She get used to it eventually, finally learning that maybe Hopper’s watch is broken and while its 8:15 for her, it could be only 6:00 for him, because of his broken watch, but couldn’t he just fix it? She remembers asking him why. She remembers him saying, “ _I’m sorry, kid. Something came up. I tried, I really do, and I’m sorry. I promise I won’t be late again next time.”_

But he’s late again next time. And the time after that. And the time after after that. As disappointing as it is, she could never get mad at him for so long. Because something always came up, and he always has to be the one who do the job, instead of letting someone else do whatever it is he was doing. He breaks his promises daily. Almost everyday. So then why does he keeps making it, if he knew he couldn’t keep it? Wouldn’t it just be better if he had say he’d be home at, say, 10:00? Then she wouldn’t have waited by the couch all night, watching soaps that got boring after a while but she couldn’t bring herself to stop watching it. Then she would tuck herself in. Then she would’ve stopped believing him.

She remembers hearing Joyce whispered to Hopper, “ _I’m fine. I promise_.” in his embrace. She says she’s fine. She says she promises that she’s fine. And yet she still notices the tears on her cheek that she would quickly wipe away. And yet she still notices the way her eyebrows furrowed, the way her hands fidget, the way she twists the ring she wore on her middle finger anxiously, the way she bites her lips until its bleeding, the way her breath quickened, the way she swallow constantly, the way she pace around the room. Eleven remembers visiting her in the Void just to check on her and see how she’s doing now that her son’s alright. She had expected her getting a good night sleep for once, but she still catches her waking up in the middle of the night, rushes to Will’s room as if she’s afraid he can disappear at any given moment. She still catches her waking up in cold sweat. Once, when Joyce was sleeping over at the cabin, Eleven woke up at the sound of clattering plates and she look to see what happened, and there she was, making a sandwich at 3 in the morning. She asked her what she was doing, and she said with a smile, “ _I’m just hungry, sweetie._ ” but Eleven knows that’s not the only reason why she was up, so she accompanied her just so she doesn’t feel so alone. Just so she knows that whatever it is, she will be by her side, and never leaving her. Eleven doesn’t say that out loud, but she hopes Joyce knew.

Joyce made a promise to Hopper. She even made a promise to Eleven. That she’s fine. That she’s alright. That no, she doesn’t need a medication. No, she doesn’t need to see a therapist. No, she’s doing good. No, it doesn’t bother her as much anymore because her boy is here and that’s what matters. Eleven wishes she could believe the promises Joyce made.

She remembers Mike and his promises. She remembers him promising that she won’t ever get hurt ever again. She remembers him promising her once that they’ll be home soon, that it’ll be over soon, and that she’ll be okay, and that he’ll protect her, and that she won’t have to worry about anything anymore, she won’t have to hide anymore, she won’t have to live in fear anymore, she won’t have to fight anymore.

She remembers Mike being wrong. Because despite everything he promises, despite everything he said, she gets hurt. A lot. More than she’d like him to know. More than she’d ever been hurt before. Despite everything he said, she didn’t get home soon. Instead, after she escapes from the Upside Down that time, she went on surviving in the woods, alone. Despite everything she said, its still not over, not for her, and she doesn’t see it ever being over. Because despite everything he said, she’s still not okay, and she won’t ever be, because really, is she even able to be okay? Despite everything he said, she knows, deep down that no matter what, he can’t protect her, and he can’t shield her from anything bad in this world, and what kind of power does he have to stop this whole catastrophe, what kind of power does he have to stop her? Despite everything he said, she still worries, every single day, every single minute. Despite everything he said, she’s still afraid, she’s still terrified, she’s still frightened. She thought she was braver than this, but she’s still scared to death.

Mike made promises she knew he wouldn’t be able to keep. So why does he made them?

But then she remembers how she made a promise. She remembers that night, when she had just returned from Chicago, but she has to leave again because she has to close that damned gate. She remembers back then, she promised Mike that he won’t lose her again, even though back then she had no idea if she will even survive (spoiler alert: she does! But she didn’t knew that back then). Just like Joyce, she remembers promising Mike, and Hopper, and everyone concerned, that she’ll be fine, she’ll get over it, she’ll feel alright again in the morning, even though when morning comes, all she feels is overwhelming headache and the thought that maybe the gate hasn’t been closed properly yet and that she has failed everyone and that she’s clearly not fine and she’s clearly not alright.

So why does she made those promises? Why does she said it, even though there’s no way she could’ve known if she would made it, or if she would ever get better, or if she would be okay? Why does she said it, if she knew keeping them would be so hard?

You don’t break your promises.

So don’t make promises that’s hard to keep, right?

So why does she makes impossible promises?

//

Because maybe… Maybe because she fights. She fights to close the gate. With all the power within her, with every ounce of her energy, with every fibre of her being, she fights. She knew its nearly impossible to keep her promises, but she’ll fight for it. She fights to close the gate. She fights to come home. She fights to survive. She fights to be alive, to not succumb into the sweet release of death, to stay alive, to stay alive for Mike, for Hopper, for Joyce, for those whose fate lies in her hand, for the world, although it hasn’t been kind to her, she fights to stay alive, to stay alive, to stay alive. She fights to not let the heat burns her. She fights to overcome her anxieties, and her worries, and her fears. She fights to get rid of her demons, to get rid of her monsters, she fights to be okay, even just for a little while, she fights to be alright, she fights and she fights and she fights to keep her promises, even if she knew it’ll be hard as hell.

And maybe…

Maybe that’s what everyone’s been doing this whole time.

Maybe Hopper did tries his best to not be late. Maybe Hopper has to fight whatever it is that may be preventing him to come home on time. Maybe Hopper cursed himself whenever he’s late, and he swore to be better at keeping promises. Maybe Hopper really wanted to come home, to relax and to sleep and to smoke peacefully, but he knows that there are people out there that needs him, needs his help, and couldn’t just bail on them, and so he has to break his promises as well as his heart, because as much as it breaks his heart whenever he sees Eleven had curled up in front of the fireplace to keep herself warm because she was waiting for him to come home, he couldn’t abandon his people.

Maybe Joyce fought her demons. Her monsters that lives inside her head. Maybe Joyce has tried, Joyce has fought. Because Eleven also notices whenever Joyce’s hands fidget, she’d find something to hold on to, to steady her hands. And whenever she twists her ring, she’d eventually clasps her hands together. And she’d stop bites her lips eventually. She drinks lots of water. She stopped pacing and start sitting. And whenever she ran to Will’s room, she’d eventually sleep beside him. Whenever she woke up in cold sweat, she’d make sandwiches, instead of letting fear and sadness consume her. Joyce made a promise. She rarely keeps them. But she fights for it.

Maybe Mike knew he wouldn’t be able to keep his promises. Maybe Mike’s heart also breaks every time he said it, because that’s something he wouldn’t ever be able to give. But maybe Mike said it just so he’d try to keep them, because there’s no way he’d ever break a promise. Maybe Mike knew that she will eventually get hurt again, but he’ll be there when that happens. Maybe Mike knew that she won’t be home soon, but maybe not soon, maybe he meant she’ll be home eventually and until then, he’ll fight for her to be home, to be safe. Maybe Mike knew that she won’t be okay, but he’ll be there until she does. Maybe Mike knew that he won’t be able to protect her, because what happened is way beyond his understanding, but he’ll protect her with all his might, he’ll protect and shelter her in any way he could, and he won’t ever stop doing so. Maybe Mike knew that there’ll always be new things for her to be worried about, but he’ll be there to soothe her anxieties. Maybe Mike knew that she’ll fight again, but this time, he’ll be battling by her side. Mike made a promise he knew he wouldn’t be able to keep. What kind of power does he have to keep them? But he make sure he’ll do whatever he can to keep it.

Eleven didn’t understand why people make promises before. She never knew why people make promises when they knew they’d break them every time, when they knew they’d rarely keeps them, when they knew they wouldn’t even be able to keep.

But now she finally understood.

Because maybe, maybe Hopper’s promises aren’t him being home at exactly 8:15. Its him driving furiously, bringing Eleven’s favorites to keep her happy, its him being worried out of his mind, its him hitting the gas as soon as his job is done.

And Joyce’s promises isn’t her finally being okay. Its her calming herself down. Its her making herself a sandwich at 3 am, or a cup of coffee, or even a nice cup of coffee sometimes. Its her making sure she’d never lose Will again. Its her taking care of herself.

And Mike’s promises isn’t him protecting her. Its him calling her for 353 days. Its him never giving up on her, even though the whole world tells him to. Its him staying up late, listening to the comms, waiting for her to give the slightest signs that she’s well, even when he’s not ever sure she’s listening or alive (spoiler alert: she is! But he didn’t know that back then). Its him being by her side.

Eleven knew now that people make promises to keep themselves alive. People make promises to have something to fight for, something to live for.

Because, like Mike had said, a long time ago: _its something you can’t break. Ever._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this is really short!! I'm sorry!! I promise I'll try write long chapters


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